A Whole New World

I’ve always felt incredibly lucky to be able to paint, and I’m not talking about being any good at it, because for a very long time, I was rubbish at it. I just mean that I think I’m lucky for sort of falling into it. I wasn’t very good at art at school. I wasn’t good at it at college, and I wasn’t good at it at art school, but I stuck at it because although what I was producing was a bit shite, I just loved doing it. I loved creating, even when what I was creating was horrible. I didn’t always paint, I used to make stuff, and the stuff I made didn’t really make any sense to anyone, but it was a world that I was living in, away from everyone else, and I would escape to it at any opportunity. I made the rules in there. There wasn’t a right way of doing something, or a wrong way of doing something else, it was just different ways of doing or seeing, and I was free in this little world to do anything I wanted. No-one could infiltrate it because it wasn’t theirs, it was just mine, and when the ‘real’ world would push me to get in line, I could escape to this other world, and everything was good. I found a happiness in making stuff, and creating art, that I couldn’t find anywhere else. It wasn’t in any job that I got offered. It wasn’t in money. It wasn’t in another person. It wasn’t in material things. It wasn’t in getting dressed up. It wasn’t in social situations. It was only in art. So, I went there, every day, and every night, and I grew happier and happier. I looked at the world differently, because I wasn’t living in the same one as everyone else.

I did a whole project at art school one year about escapism, and it was all about creating little pieces of a world that no-one had seen before. I made these little objects. They were nothing, the whole thing was nothing. It just took me to a place where I was creating for the sake of creating, and letting this little world expand all on its own. It was just the objects at first, then it was photographs of the objects, then it was drawings, then it was descriptive books, then it was type-written files, then I presented them in a laboratory style-setting, with documents, test tubes, perspex boxes, as if I had identified some sort of new species, and at one stage, I was given this whole room within the art school, where I just filled it with these little abstract nothings. It was just a room, but it was like a whole universe of something new. It was great fun!

That’s what art became to me - a door to another world. I didn’t have to live in this one, I could live in any one. It sounds insane, but it’s like an expansion of the mind. It’s addictive. There was never any leaving. It used to take something extreme to get there. I’d have to make something, and have a discussion in my mind about what it means, or why it matters etc. I’d have to photograph it. I’d have to draw it, and I would come up with some sort of narrative for it, and I would disappear down the rabbit hole with it. It doesn’t take that anymore, though. It just takes a blank canvas and some paint.

I’ve always jumped head first into art when the ‘real’ world doesn’t make sense to me. It’s the great escape, or the greatest escape.

If I struggle socially, I make art. When I left a relationship, I made art. When my heart was broken, I made art. When I had something to say and I couldn’t find the words, I made art. When I was angry, I made art. When I’m happy, I make art. When I feel restricted, I make art. When I feel isolated, I make art and when I want to push back against things that are bigger than me, I make art.

It’s a coping mechanism, as well as absolutely everything else.

This thing that’s going on, is new, we’re all dealing with it as best we can. It’s scary, and it’s uncertain, and if you allow it, you can so easily become consumed by it. I haven’t worked on any commissioned paintings for the last few weeks, because I’ve jumped into my other world, where I can just make stuff, and be creative because that’s what works for me. I like to talk about the world with my partner. We discuss what’s going on, how we see it, how we feel about it. We talk about the reaction to it - ours and other people’s. I’m very lucky that I have someone to talk to, someone to share my fears and concerns with. I’m also very lucky that I have art to jump into when I don’t feel like thinking about it.

So, try not to let it get on top of you. Find another world to spend some time in, whether it’s in writing, or singing, or dancing, creating, reading, meditating, exercising, cooking, playing games, anything at all. There's another world waiting for you. Jump right in, and explore it. It might be everything you've been looking for. If it is painting, and you need a hand, give me a shout! If it's not painting, but you just want someone to talk to, about this, or about anything else, do get in touch, I would love to hear from you - there’s still a great internet signal in the other world that I'm living in!