The Text Canvas Series.

I’ve tried to write about these artworks several times, and each time, I feel it reads quite aggressively, but that doesn’t get us anywhere. I can’t meet aggression with more aggression and come up with a solution. The artworks demonstrate aggression, in the form of written violence all on their own, and I want to dilute that in my writing about them. I want them to be a sort of conflict resolution. Every artwork I’ve made throughout the lockdown is a desperate attempt to say something. I was listening to a talk about psychological freedom, and the speaker (who I can’t remember the name of, unfortunately) commented on the physical effects on our health by not accepting, or disabling, our own natural feelings. The sentence that struck a chord with me was - and I’m paraphrasing here - ‘....by not accepting your own feelings of anger, you internalise it, and you might instead suffer from migraines.’ Now, I’m not suggesting that as factual, but I do suffer from migraines, and I often desperately try to avoid my negative feelings about the world. So, it made sense to me. It was only in confronting the things that made me angry, through art, and writing about art, that I felt better. People were writing disturbing things to each other on social media. The language they were using to battle each other was horrific. It surprised me that in the face of uncertainty, at a time where we all probably needed each other, we were desperate to use it as an excuse to treat each other so badly. We had an opportunity to be great for each other, but instead, we couldn’t wait to appear more virtuous than our neighbours/friends/families/strangers by calling out those who weren’t living their lives exactly how we needed them to. We all wanted to look like the good guy, and we were more than willing to become the villain in hero’s clothing to do so. I was terrified to say how I felt about it all, and the reason for that, was because my feelings didn't fall in line with the popular narrative. I wish that I felt the way I was being told to feel, I do…...it would be so much easier that way. I’ve tried so hard to force myself to feel the way that’s being advertised, but I can’t, and pushing myself to feel things that I don’t feel, or to steer myself in a direction that doesn’t align with who I am, feels pretend. So, I feel the way I feel. Everyone feels the way they feel, and there’s no way that we all feel the same, and that’s okay. We actually don’t have a lot of control over that, we can just accept that we feel a certain way, and at the same time accept that other people might feel a different way. I don’t believe it’s ‘one side or the other’ either. I think there’s lots of variations of it, and that’s cool too. I think we grow as people by accepting that. I also think we become united in our ability to accept, and maybe even embrace, a whole range of different ideas/beliefs, and anything that drives us away from division is a good, strong thing. Anyway, ‘sides’ aside, I’m quite good at being able to see things from a number of perspectives, so although I have no control over how I feel, I can understand, empathise and find compassion in all other opinions. I can find a way to be on everyone’s side, and I’ll be honest, it’s something I’m very proud of. However, I struggle to side with a bully. I can understand that their individual experiences in this world have maybe hurt them so much that they poison other people with that, and I sympathise, but it still doesn’t make it alright. There are ways to say anything you need to say without upsetting/patronising/abusing another person, and you’ll probably have a stronger argument because of it. Plus, you’re not going to change anyone’s mind by treating them poorly and utterly refuting their ideas. My Dad used to tell me that pretty much every fight he got into when he was younger was because he thought differently to someone else, and strangely, he wasn’t inclined to see their point of view after they'd punched him in the face.

It’s kind of like that - you don’t get abused by someone and think, ‘Now that you’ve abused me, I totally see your point!” In fact, it probably has the exact opposite effect. So, aye, these paintings might be my art, but they're definitely not my words. These canvasses are everything that I don’t stand for. I’ve always wanted to make work that involves text. I like words, and I enjoy listening to the way people use them. They’re not always put together pleasantly, but they are always interesting. The ‘I’m keeping everyone safe’ phrase, is one that I really wanted to include, because it’s designed to show us that the person using it is a righteous/trustworthy person. They want to make it clear that they’re the ‘good guy’, - the obedient, caring, self-sacrificing person, but I would be far more inclined to believe that if the sentences surrounding that statement backed it up. If you were TRULY virtuous, I think you might care for EVERYONE, and not just those who have similar feelings to you. Anyway, I’m shite at it too! I talk the talk, and maybe I think by constantly repeating it, I’ll eventually be able to practice what I preach. I talk about the world with John all of the time, and I often lose myself in a fiery rant of cursing and swearing, and sayin’ things I don’t mean. I probably say, ‘I hate folk’ every day, but I always regret it, and I’m always promising myself to try harder. It’s probably much easier to disregard everyone who doesn’t share your views, than to put a real effort into finding a way to understand, but I’m certain that the latter is more rewarding. It can be hard work, but it’s worth sticking at. Plus that's the beauty of social media, we don't have to have knee-jerk reactions to things, we have time on our side. We can take real care over our words. The paintings were born from a strong desire to want better, from others, from myself, for everyone. I feel like they hold a mirror up to the worst parts of us, and force us to confront our lack of empathy, our ignorance to understand, and our failure to be curious with compassion. Imagine a world where we jumped to love, before hate. I spend a lot of my time detached from society, outdoors. It’s where I find real peace of mind, and it’s why most of my paintings are of the Scottish landscape. I’m inspired by it. There’s nothing better than finding a bit of nature that I can have all to myself, and when I find it, I put it on canvas. If you follow my work, you’ll likely know that I’m as passionate about being outside, as I am about painting. People spending time outdoors became a popular point of attack at the beginning of lockdown. Most of the words I’ve used on the canvasses were comments directed at people spending time outdoors. I wanted to capture the ugliness of that on top of my carefully painted landscapes. I thought the conflict of a peaceful landscape against the war people were inflicting upon each other would make for an interesting artwork. It took me hours to paint the landscapes, and it took only a few minutes to smear it with the words of people. I enjoyed what that said. I needed it to say exactly that. I wanted to say something about the beauty I was being forced to stay away from, against the ugliness of what I was being told to protect. These paintings are awful. I think they work well, and I love them for that, but I also hate that they exist. I’m just a big contradiction. But that's the thing about people - we're so complex. There's never a 'one size fits all' with us. I sometimes feel like I'm a little bit of everyone, and a little bit of something all on my own. Art is just my way of figuring everything out. It lets me REALLY feel everything, even if it's just fleeting. I saw people hurting each other with words, and I felt a bit sad about it......maybe a bit angry too, so I made some art about it, just so that I didn't have to feel it anymore. I don't know how that works, but it does. I feel something, I make a painting, and then I don't feel the thing anymore, because it's all in the artwork. There's something so freeing about that. Art has that power - It takes my feelings, feels them for me, and I can just get back to having a good time, and I think that's why it's the love of my life.